Well, certainly there is no second opinion that we ought to get rid of this curse. This five letter word, dowry has hindered dreams of happily married life of innumerable lasses of the society. The complete code of life, Islam, nowhere endorses the idea of dowry. The concept of dowry typically relates of Hinduism where girls were not given any share in inheritance. If we study about marriage ceremony of Hazrat Fatima, the dearest daughter of Holy Prophet SAW, we nowhere come across that Holy Prophet PBUH specially managed to arrange something for his dearest daughter in the name of dowry, as it is prevailing these days.
Recently, an online campaign has been launched with hashtags of “#StopJahezKhori”, “#JahezKhoriBandKaro” (Stop dowry). This online movement has got a welcoming response on social media and this is quite encouraging that people from various walks of life are chipping in this campaign without any reluctance. But the point is how actually this idea would materialize into reality. It is being said that, generally, those of us who are actually supporting this campaign belong to families who not only arrange lavish dowry but also spend millions on various functions in the name of wedding. Besides, some of us are coming up with parallel hashtags series i.e. “#StopAskingForSettledLarka”, “WellSettledLarkaMangnaBandKaro” (stop looking for well settled son-in-law), #BridalShowerBandKaro etc. This is quite unfortunate. We should not victimize a noble campaign by highlighting another social evil prevailing in the society. However, at the same time we ought to reconsider the transformation of marriages into really luxurious events. Wasting hundreds of thousands in the name of bridal showers, wedding joras, catering of the events, flower decors, mayoon etc. and offering/demanding millions’ dowry would certainly leave the middle and lower middle class families into a fix and they will fall a prey to inferiority complex. Resultantly, by hook or by crook, they will also have to bear this agony. Unless, those of us who can afford these luxurious events and items of millions, adopt a moderate approach in weddings, the fruitful outcome of such campaigns cannot be witnessed.
When it comes towards “asking for well settled larka”, parents of a girl, undoubtedly, are rightful to inquire about gentlemanliness and a reasonable source of income of the boy with whom they plan to marry their daughter. Nevertheless, here again we don’t remain limited to the limits where we ought to be. In our society, parents have been seen looking for a Damad (son-in-law) who is earning six figures salary per month and, at the same time, they have been observed poking their nose inquiring about lavish bank balance, luxury cars and bungalow, the prospective son-in-law owns. Here parents of a girl should also remain moderate and give first preference to gentlemanliness while choosing their son-in-law.
Neither Islam categorically forbids inquiring about reasonable source of income of prospective son-in-law nor it stops gifting something to your daughter, son, son-in-law, daughter-in-law or any other relationship. However, it clearly negates splurge and 
extravagance. And mind it, gifting something also nowhere permits you to exploit parents of a girl to spend millions in the name of this so-called-gift – dowry. So parents of boys who take the shelter “apni beiti ko he gift dena hai, hamain thori kuch dena” (parents will gift their daughter not us) are nowhere permitted to take the undue benefit of this phenomenon. Neither they have any right to comment (read: taunt) if parents of girl gift (or don’t gift) anything to her nor they are rightful to demand anything in the name of dowry. Rather it is the responsibility of the boy marrying the girl to manage their sources of living. So, whether you are on the side of “stopping jahezkhori” or a proponent of “stopping demanding well settled larka”, let’s come out of this filthy status quo mindset and mend our respective ends. After all, it takes two to get it right.
#StopJahezKhori
#Well-SettleLarkaMangnaBandKaro
The article was originally published in The News International. 18 Feb, 19
In the name of Humanity... 